Thane Krios and the Spiders of Nope
by Amberstar of Thunderclan
Summary: There's a Face Spider in Kolyat's bedroom. Can Thane kill it dead?


Every sense was a on high alert. Every sound triggered minute reaction; a twitch of a finger, a flicker of an eye in the direction of the distraction. Checking, always checking, protecting, There was nothing that could go wrong. Nothing that should go wrong.

Every sense depending on his actions in the next three minutes.

"Did you kill it dead yet?" A small voice whispered from behind the doorway, behind Thane, a small head peaking out at around calf level of the assasin's legs.

"Not yet, Kolyat. I have to find it." he told his son, a smile spreading it's way onto his face. _Of them all, this is perhaps the most unusual contract I have ever taken._ He mused.

His eyes scanned the room once more, his hands folded behind his back, a tightly-rolled piece of newspaper clutched tightly as his latest weapon of choice. According to his young son, there was a 'giant spider of absolute _nope_ ' hiding in his bedroom.

"Oh. Okay then. I'm thinking maybe I'm gonna stay out here then, till you kill it? Yeah. That's maybe what I'm thinking." the boy said.

"Oh, well, then brave solder, tell your mother I may be late to dinner. Battling spiders is my job, you see, but this one might take a little extra time to take care of." Thane told the boy. Kolyat puffed his tiny chest out, soluteing.

"Aye, aye, mister!" He dashed off, tiny feet pounding on the stairs of their home, voice shouting to his mother. Thane turned his attention back to the child's room in front of him and grinned.

Face spiders were uncommon in dry arias of a planet. They liked moist atmospheres, which meant most of the Hannar home world(at least, the parts that weren't water or arid bubbles of Drell society) was a literal petri dish for the large, disturbing arachnids. They looked somewhat like the head of a human infant... with legs, a four-way parting jaw, and the specific evolutionary trait for climbing up closet doors. The 'head' factor just fed into the terror the creatures filled children with, and Kolyat was _absolutely certain_ there was one hiding under his mattress. That was where Face Spiders slept, after all.

At least... during the day.

Thane Krios absolutely refused to allow such a creature take up residence in his son's bedroom, even if this was just the imaginings of the child.

He stalked over to the messy bed, and gripped the edge of the mattress with one hand, holding up the rolled up paper in the other, charging up his biotic. For any other species, it would seem like overkill, but the trick with Face Spiders was to surprise them. He needed unhindered speed with this kill, more than any other he'd made.

With a flare of biotics, he filled the mattress over and attacked.

* * *

Irikah was just finishing up setting the table, Kolyat playing on the floor with a toy 'train' that Thane had brought back from his latest assignment on earth, when the loud thumps and the unruly shouting began upstairs from Kolyat's room. She leaned into the hall leading to the stairs.

"Thane?" she called. "Are you alright up there?"

"I'm fine!" a breathless voice answered resssuringly. Soon afterwords came what she was certain to be a Quarian swear word.

"Mom, what's a 'bosh'tet'?" Kolyat asked innocently from where he played.

"None of your concern, Kolyat. Just don't say it at school, alright?"

"Yes, mom. Why's daddy saying it?"

"Your father just... stubbed his toe, I think." She hoped it was that or the like; Thane rarely came back injured, but there was always that one time when a wound might not make itself known until it was too late.

"HA!" a triumphant yell from above snapped her out _just_ short of falling into an unpleasant memory, and she gave her son a cheeky smile, the boy beaming back at her.

"Did he get it?" he whispered excitedly, setting his train down.

"Well, we better go and see, ought we?" she told him. Kolyat bounded past her and up the stairs.

"Did you get it?!" he yelled, pounding up the steps in a way only a child could. Irikah followed, and stopped in the doorway, chuckling as she cought sight of her husband, the assassin, on the floor, tangled in child's bed sheets, his biotic field still fading. Kolyat's mattress was lopsided, half on the floor and half on the bed frame, And it looked like a stray blast of biotics had cracked the window.

As both mother and child cought sight of him, he sat up, grinned at them, and lifted one arm, to dangle the now very much DEAD Face Spider in the air. Kolyat screamed and dashed away back down the stairs.

"It's dead now, Kolyat!" Thane called after him. He smiled back up at Irikah, now standing over him with her hands on her hips, a grin on her face.

"Now, what might I pay you for this contract, mister Krios?" she asked, holding out one hand. He took it, and hauled himself up, cloe to her.

"I believe you owe me dinner, Miss Irikah, and that will suffice my pay enough." he told her, looking at the spider like a fisherman who had made an especially impressive catch, while holding the waist of his wife with the other hand. He grinned evilly."Do you suppose we can eat this, my love?"

She laughed, a musical sound.

"Not in a million years, Thane! I'd rather have Keprals!"

* * *

 **You asked for it, you got it! Sorry it took so long. At first it was going to be Tali enlisting help to rid the engineering deck of wolf spiders, then it was going to be a planet overruled by car-sized arachnids, and then I finally settled on some Krios family fluff mixed with a sprinkle of Doctor Who lore. For those of you who don't know, in DW, Face Spiders are basically baby heads with legs specifically evolved for climbing up closet door, and according to the Doctor, they sleep in the mattress until midnight. I figured, Jayfeatther's done a thing with Face Spiders, I might as well, too. Not sure weather to stuff this in the crossover section though; it's a bit out of the way, and some people might not realized I've posted this. I'll re-categorize it later, I think.**

 **Okay, Javik the Jerk and the Friday Morning Routine, Urdnot Wrex and the Legend of the Pizza Fairy, Urdnot Grunt and the Frabjous Snow day, Ashley Williams and the Smelly Surprise, or an expansion to Legion the Geth and the Case of the Kitten(which is still going strong, btw).**

 **Vote up!**

 **Read and REVIEW!**


End file.
